Even if you think matters can be settled amicably by negotiation, it helps to know what orders a court would be likely to make. Then you have a yardstick by which to negotiate. It helps to get an objective view at an extremely emotional time.

Grounds for divorce

A marriage is a contract between two people to live together, share their property, support each other and, if appropriate, bring up children. Divorce law is about breaking this contract as painlessly as possible, so the parties can make new lives for themselves and yet provide security for children. It should not be a lengthy or expensive fight.

There is only one ground for divorce - that the marriage has irretrievably broken down. This is the only matter which concerns a divorce court. Courts are not concerned with guilty behaviour, or whose fault caused the breakdown. It is pointless defending a divorce petition A divorce can be obtained after five years of separation however much one party objects. Even if a petition is successfully defended, the court has no power to compel people to get back together. Most judges take the view that if one party thinks a marriage has broken down, then the marriage has broken down.

How to find a solicitor

You need a solicitor who specializes in divorce and family law. Here are some suggestions for finding one:-

Choose an individual solicitor - not a firm. It is quite acceptable to interview several different solicitors before making a final choice. Most firms offer a free initial interview. Use this time to interview the solicitor - not to get free preliminary advice.

Choosing a solicitor

Visiting a solicitor to discuss divorce can seen a dreadful experience but regard it like an appointment with a doctor - as you are paying you should get good advice. Solicitors realise you are more likely to be upset than someone discussing buying a home. If you want, take a notebook with your questions written down. You may want to ask about maintenance, pensions, insurance policies, custody, debts, capital or inheritance, possessions or updating your will..

At the interview, ask yourself if I trust this person to do a good job for me. This depends on your feelings. First impressions count. You may judge by  how you were greeted, set at your ease and how your questions were dealt with. You will also form an impression of the firm and whether it is traditional, grand, commercial etc. Ask yourself. "Can  get on with this person?" If you can't then look elsewhere. Ask about the solicitor's experience in divorce work. Experienced solicitors don't mind being quizzed about this.

Instructing a solicitor

Check charging rates and Legal Aid. Firms should treat Legal Aid and private clients equally in the quality of service provided. Ask if your solicitor appear in court for you or if they will brief a barrister, which will greatly increase legal fees. Experienced family solicitors should not need to instruct a barrister except in unusual cases.

Find out who will actually do the work. Many firms delegate to legal executives with the Partner just fronting to the client. Family law, perhaps above all over, demands personal attention. If you are going to be delegated, consider looking elsewhere.

Getting the most from a solicitor

Solicitors give advice on the law. In divorce cases this always means giving some emotional support and practical guidance as well. But solicitors are not counsellors and are expensive if used as a constant shoulder to cry on.

It is usually better, and cheaper, to write or e-mail to your solicitor rather than telephone or visit him. It is also cheaper to do as much of the donkey-work yourself as possible. Keep a file with letters and copies of your replies.

 Above all ask! It is the Solicitor's job to give you clear advice and guidance, but it is difficult to do this unless you say what is worrying you. Different people worry about different things.

Disputes about children

When a couple separate, they must make arrangements about any children, where they will live, how they will be maintained, and what contact the other parent will have. These can be a cause of much heartache and costly litigation. The problems always results from a failure by one or both parents to put the children first. Children may be used as the chosen weapon of revenge.

The courts always put the children first., Decisions about residence are made on practical grounds - who can best look after the children. Disputes over contact are always a result of one parent being spiteful and the other retaliating.

The courts are not concerned about moral blame - there is no law that the children cannot live with the parent who has committed adultery. Many parents, especially those who feel they are the innocent party, see this as very wrong. But it has been the law since a decision of the House of Lords in 1977.

Disputes over finances

The Child Support Act provides a rough and ready solution to child maintenance and so the areas for dispute are usually the house, spouse maintenance and any other assets such as savings or pensions.

The courts adopt a practical approach and put the needs of children above everything else. It is sometimes difficult even for experienced lawyers to predict how a judge is going to exercise his discretion. There are no rules and no precedents, although cases can be used as guidelines.

The courts are no concerned about guilt or blame, The purpose is to re-allocate the resources of the family, as far as possible, to support the divided family. Again, many "wronged" spouses feel this is most unjust.

Charges

This is always a frightening area. Generally speaking, you get what you pay for. Experienced solicitors charge more. On the other hand, prestigious addresses, luxurious offices and thick carpets have to be paid for! The most expensive is not always the best. You can be paying for the name of a big firm and get a run-of-the-mill job. Equally, the apparently cheapest is often the dearest.

Expect to pay £150 per hour outside London or £200-£300 per hour in London and more for an experienced solicitor but less for a legal executive or less still for a paralegais. The firm should be quite open about its charges and should give you an estimate of the total costs.

Legal Aid

It is now called "The Community Legal Service" and is still available for family cases. But many family law firms no longer undertake such work as the rates paid by the legal Services Commission are low. Often, firms delegate Legal Aid clients to executives and paralegais. Look in the Community Legal Service Directory (in Public Libraries) to find solicitors who will do this work. (See below)

Initial advice is given under the Legal Help scheme. Taking matters to Court requires a Funding Certificate. People who want this usually have to attend compulsory mediation first (with an approved Mediator) and can only apply for legal aid if the mediator certifies that the mediation has been unsuccessful. Your solicitor will advise about this and arrange the mediation. It does not matter if the other party will not go to mediation, you have shown willing and this is sufficient for you to carry on to apply for legal aid.

Keeping the legal costs down

The only winners in a divorce case are the lawyers. It is common for 10% to 20% of the family assets to go in legal fees, particularly if there is a dispute over the children. The result can be a legacy of bitterness which can last for years eating away like a cancer at the children and the parties. In addition, there is no automatic rule that the "loser" of a Family Law case may pay the "winner's" costs. It is much more common for each side to pay their own costs, especially in disputes over children..

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